Finding Joy in Solitude: Learning to Love My Own Company

#23

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

In this edition, we explore the theme of solitude and the journey of learning to enjoy one’s own company. Many of us have experienced moments of loneliness, especially in recent times, but we can find joy and growth in solitude. Through personal reflections and insightful quotes from notable figures, we delve into how embracing solitude can lead to self-discovery and a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I remember the first few weeks of 2020 vividly. As a student living in residence, my room became both my sanctuary and my prison. The initial silence was deafening. I couldn't bear to sit with my thoughts, constantly reaching for my headphones, playing music, or finding any distraction possible. The thought of being alone with myself was, frankly, terrifying.

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The Uncomfortable Beginning

Like many students suddenly confined to their rooms, I struggled with the abrupt shift to isolation. My small residence room, once just a place to sleep and study, became my entire world, and its walls began to feel like a cage. The silence was oppressive, amplifying every unspoken thought and anxiety. I found myself instinctively reaching for my phone, desperate to fill the quiet with noise—any noise—to escape my own company.

This urge was overwhelming, as moments of introspection spiraled into anxiety. I confronted insecurities and fears I had previously ignored. I longed for the chaos of campus life the laughter, the conversations, the comforting hum of activity. Instead, I faced prolonged hours of solitude, feeling a deep disconnection from the world outside.

Yet, within this discomfort lay the seeds of opportunity for personal growth. I recognized that this period of confinement could lead to self-discovery. While the silence was initially daunting, it gradually became a space for reflection. Each day, I learned to lean into the quiet, uncovering layers of resilience I never knew I had.

This uncomfortable beginning ultimately became a turning point. It compelled me to redefine my relationship with solitude, leading to personal growth and a deeper understanding of myself.

The Gradual Shift

But something interesting happened as the weeks turned into months. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, the silence became less threatening. Maybe it was exhaustion from maintaining constant noise, or perhaps it was a simple necessity, but I started to let the quiet in, bit by bit. Small steps, but each one felt like a victory over my restlessness.

I found a certain beauty in the quiet. It became a refuge—a place where I could sift through my thoughts rather than be overwhelmed by them. I began to realize that this silence wasn't just an absence of noise; it was an opportunity to reconnect with myself, to absorb the world around me without the constant barrage of sound.

As the minutes stretched to hours, I learned to be present. I would sit by the window, gazing at the way the light filtered through the trees, listening to the soft rustle of leaves instead of cranking up the volume on my playlist. The world outside was vibrant even in its stillness, and I started to appreciate the subtler sounds—the chirping of birds, the gentle hum of distant conversations, the whisper of the wind.

Learning to Listen to Myself

The real breakthrough came when I realized that beneath all the noise I'd been creating was a voice I had been avoiding—my own. With newfound quiet moments, I began to hear my thoughts clearly for the first time. Some of these thoughts were uncomfortable, reminding me of fears and insecurities, but I also discovered surprising insights.

As the philosopher Alain de Botton noted, “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.” I recognized that my feelings of loneliness signaled my neglect I was deeply in need of my attention and care.

I learned to approach my thoughts with compassion rather than judgment, embracing discomfort as a part of my healing journey. Each uncomfortable thought became an opportunity for growth, revealing aspirations I had overlooked and nurturing relationships that mattered.

Listening to myself became an act of self-love. I began journaling to untangle emotions, practicing meditation to cultivate awareness, and taking walks in nature to reflect. This journey was enriching and taught me that solitude could be a source of strength. In those moments of quiet contemplation, I forged a deeper connection with my true self, marked by curiosity, understanding, and acceptance.

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From Distraction to Presence

My daily routine transformed:

Morning Silence: Instead of immediately reaching for my phone, I learned to enjoy the first few moments of the day in complete quiet.

Mindful Meals: Rather than watching videos while eating, I started paying attention to my food, thoughts, and surroundings.

Evening Reflection: The end of each day became a time for peaceful reflection rather than endless scrolling.

The Unexpected Freedom

What started as forced solitude evolved into chosen solitude. I discovered that being alone didn't mean being lonely. I found freedom in solitude that I'd never experienced before. I could:

• Think without external influence

• Process emotions at my own pace

• Make decisions based on my true feelings

• Simply exist without the pressure to entertain or engage

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Embracing the Quiet

In these moments of solitude, I've found what the beloved poet Mary Oliver described when she wrote, “I was just thinking how unremarkable is my life, and that there is grace in that. Nothing needs to happen.” I've learned to appreciate the grace and beauty in the simple act of being.

Now, I catch myself sitting in complete quiet, doing nothing but existing, and I smile thinking about how impossible this would have seemed to my 2019 self. The nervous student who couldn't bear a moment without background noise has transformed into someone who finds peace in silence.

The Present Day

These days, I look forward to my alone time. I've found that I miss it when I go too long without it. It’s not that I’ve become antisocial rather, I’ve become more selective about how and when I choose to engage with others. When I do spend time with people, it’s because I want to, not because I need to escape my own company.

As the author and poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Being as an experience is a witness—to see one’s life as an ongoing possibility, a gift given.” This journey has taught me to view my solitude as a gift, filled with possibilities and personal insights.

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A Continuing Journey

This journey from fearing silence to embracing it has been one of the most valuable lessons of my life. It wasn’t always easy, and there are still days when the quiet feels a bit too loud. But now I know that on the other side of that discomfort is a peace that can only come from being truly comfortable in your own company.

To anyone starting this journey, struggling with silence, or feeling overwhelmed by solitude—take heart. The quiet spaces that seem scary now might just become your favorite places to be. Sometimes the best conversations are the ones you have with yourself.

After all, learning to enjoy your own company isn’t just about being alone—it’s about discovering that you're pretty good company to keep.

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